Visiting

It’s been a minute since I last visited MA, my paternal grandmother. And I’m long over due to make a visit. My aunt from Cali is visiting this week, so this might be a good opportunity to make that visit. Hopefully she’ll be there when I get there so she and I can converse some. Not that I have much to talk about.

Ok, so enough beating around the bush. I found out on Father’s Day that my grandmother’s health is taking a turn for the worse. Without going in to great details, I’ll just so I need to come to terms with her transition and have a visit before circumstances get worse and I’ll feel even guiltier.

She’s been in the hospital for about a full year now. There have been a few diagnoses and now we must prepare for the worse. This is so hard for me. I’ve shied away from my father’s side of the family along time ago. And while every now and again I attend a gathering, it’s just not the same. And because of that, it’ll be that much harder for me when Ma’s transition does take place. Because I still feel the distance with those family members.

My guilt comes from living about 25 minutes from her, but rarely visiting. And then to make it even worse, my maternal grandmother lived 7 minutes from her and I visited the maternal grandmother more often. So add to that, her being in the hospital I’ve made all of 3 visits in a year’s time.

So how do you deal with visiting someone you know is on their death bed? I’m in tears as I type this, I just don’t handle passing well at all.

A part of me wants to remember the woman she use to be prior to going into the hospital and not the frail woman she’s become now. My last visit I didn’t want to wake her because she looked so peaceful in her sleep.



Peace, Blessings and Laughs